So...WHAT IF???

My dear friend Betty had posted a link to a blog from one of her favorite christian authors. The lead was that many authors use the questions of "What if..." Curious I wanted to check it out. I read some of it and the premise was rather interesting as to how authors use that technique to spark their fiction or to advance it. The author then began to show how he used the question to make a difference in the world, such as, "What if I were to start a mentoring program in churches..." something of that nature. He used many more examples of this good natured, go-getter inspiration. He then posed the question to the readers to ask their own life 'What if's' not to look back on regrets, but to dream forward, dream big. The idea was to change your life, move it forward it a positive way and adventurous way just as so many authors do to charge their main characters and their actions. So naturally I took the bait!

Due to my sick mind, I of course started with the sad "What if'"s such as, "What if my mom was still alive? What if I had more money, a better car?" Many of those who read the this author's blog were then invited to post 5 inspiring, life changing 'What if's' and they were amazing. After I was done being morbid I thought what would my questions be? Now here is where it really gets good and philosophical. What if I was thinner, at least 75 pounds thinner....oh the things that I could do (or the people I could do for that matter! ) What if I could actually run a mile and not fall over from back pain, knee pain, asthma, or just sheer laziness? What if I actually joined the gym down the street instead of saying, "Oh I should really give them a call" as I am on my way to DQ ...or Wendys...or the Gyros place. What if, for once in my life, I didn't crave grease, sugar, carbohydrates, high fructose gunk, or FAT of any kind or substance??? I loves me my red meat and Twinkies...not together, but then again I really haven't tried that yet (Note to self!) What if, due to my fat self, I could no longer fit into a tanning booth! I know, I know I could always tan outside but then again in this area that is only three months of a year what about the other 9!? Tanning would for sure be a reason to lose weight, I can stand some of the pounds as long as they are brown ones! Or better yet, sticking to the tanning theme, What if I was so thin I no longer had weird looking tan lines on my body due to excess skins and other unknown structures ( don't know where things land when I am laying down...thank goodness there are no mirrors inside the beds!) What if I could fit into size 9 jeans or size 9 anything, the shopping I could do and how fashionable I would become! It is not the older you get the sadder the clothes are, it is the fatter you are because no one wants to see THAT much of a cute pattern of ANY kind! Clothes for fat people are boring ...and a bit old, shit...I am on my way to being fat AND old!? BORING! What if I wasn't so fat that I could actually bend over without grunting? I would stop alerting my poor dog Wrigley that something was the matter with me and avoid the gracious tongue kiss from my beloved animal. The amount of gagging saved from choosing slip on shoes! What if my daughter was repulsed at the sight of me jiggling my ass for her, instead of being entertained as she cheers on, "Go Mommy, go!"What if...

You can see that ALL of me is completely obsessed with the 'What if's' of weight, oh hell, of FAT! I can go on but I must peel myself from the couch and attempt to pry the grime off of my seven-year-old. Till more fatness...ta ta